Navigating Conflict with Skillful Communication

 

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was invited by Ohio State University for an interaction on "Navigating Conflict with Skillful Communication" with Dr. Aaron Yarmel, Associate Director of OSU Center for Ethics & Human Values.

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August 23, 2023

Communication is not always easy when there is a conflict. Yet, it is the only way to arrive at a resolution. Owing to his diverse experience in conflict resolution, Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was invited by Ohio State University for an interaction on navigating conflicts with communication. Dr. Aaron Yarmel, Associate Director of OSU Center for Ethics & Human Values interacted with Gurudev on the topic.

Here are five takeaways from the interaction.

Do away with prejudice

Gurudev shared the first pre-requisite of dialogue: overcoming prejudices. “Communication cannot happen when there is prejudice. We have to see that we are all the same. We are all human beings. All kinds of prejudices need to be done away with, be it racial prejudice, gender prejudice, generation prejudice, or religious prejudice,” said Gurudev. Otherwise, you speak from somewhere and the other party receives from somewhere else.

Don’t run away from conflict, become a bridge

Dr. Yaramel pointed out the general reactions of people to conflicts. Either people are too afraid to raise objections and try to hide beneath superficial unity or people drive themselves to conflict and miss opportunities to collaborate. “What is the right way to engage in communication when there is a conflict,” asked Dr. Yaramel. To which Gurudev replied, “Never shy away from conflicts and speaking the truth.” He added, “You don’t need to be rude to speak the truth.”

Gurudev also shared a personal anecdote. When he met FARC members in Cuba for a peace dialogue, he told them that he understood their point of view. “I know you are not having fun in the jungle,” he said. “I just don’t approve of your path. I am for social justice,” he added. He recounted that they agreed and hence, declared a unilateral ceasefire. In one month, the peace process began which seemed impossible a few months ago and the former militant group formed a political party. “When you give them confidence, and you don’t take any sides, you become a bridge,” concluded Gurudev.

Create a conducive atmosphere with breathwork, patience & perseverance

You can create an atmosphere of resolution by equipping both parties with tools and techniques to de-stress and keep calm. Coming back to commonalities and keeping aside matters that create conflict is another way to create a conducive atmosphere. Most importantly, ask them what is their solution. Gurudev shared an anecdote, “The Ram temple Bhoomi in India was a 500-year-old conflict. There were 25 parties that had been fighting for generations. I asked them if this is not solved do we want to continue the fight between Muslims and Hindus over this land. 1200 imams agreed to take a 5-acre place outside the complex. Not one incidence of violence happened after that.”

He spoke about a simple conflict at home. “The husband wants to go to Florida and the wife wants to go to Canada. Sit together and look for a commonality. Sensible people are always ready for a give and take. They only want an assurance that their voice is heard,” he concluded.

Be sincere, sensible & sensitive

Conflict resolution needs sincerity on both sides. Peace is not being complacent. You don’t need to give up your point of view to find a resolution. Likewise, dynamism and action need not be furious or violent. We are caught between these extremes. That is why sensibility and sensitivity are needed. If you are only sensitive, your dialogue will be ruined. If you are only speaking from your head, conflict will escalate.

Watch out for perceived threat

We cannot be too judgemental before we start a dialogue. Even the worst criminal is given a lawyer to defend themselves. We have to recognize that everyone has a heart. Our mind clings to the negative more. If you are given ten compliments and one insult. What will you remember? Gurudev shared an anecdote, “An 80-year-old couple came to me and told me that they are getting a divorce. They said they never got along well. That is when I asked them how many good days have you had. That is when they realized that the conflict only arose during the past year.” We should pay attention to our minds. It has a tendency to chew on the negative. Instead, take a break from this tendency. Look why someone is talking the way they are talking. You will find there is a perceived threat which may not be real. This is what is happening between Russia and Ukraine. There is a perceived threat. What happened in Iraq? Wars have not achieved anything in the world. No war has done any good to the world.

Gurudev also took questions from students in the audience. Here is an excerpt.

• Q: How do you stay sensible if you feel like you are under threat? Or do you know the group that you are part of can be harmed?

  Gurudev: It does not mean dropping your defense system. You should have your defenses. But at the same time, don’t see others through the same glasses. There are people with whom you have to be careful. I would say that you should see those who are harming others as people who are unwell. You don’t get angry with them. You only try to find out how you can help them.

• Q: How to communicate when somebody else perceives you as a threat?

  Gurudev: First, you tell them directly. If that does not work, find a mediator whom both of you trust. A mediator helps ease the tension.

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